265+ bpm – A love song

Af: DJ DOOM.

Jeg har aldrig været i tvivl om at jeg skulle blive til DJ DOOM. Min første vejrtrækning gjorde sig i over 240 træk i minuttet. Jeg er født til at spille musik der har hurtig takt. En takt kun jeg kan administrere, kun jeg kan overleve, kun jeg kan mestre. Jeg ser mine fans stille sig i lange køer til mine shows, ser dem stille sig i kø med højtalere de har taget med hjemmefra. De smider mine klassikere på – “Skoldhed hammer i øjet”, “Grynt (Afklippet næse)”, “3 liters Salpetersyrebong”, “Fedemandsbazooka” eller “Jeg skider dig i skideren med termite”.  De er her for at opleve en smule udover deres eget liv, de er her for at hengive sig til DJ DOOM. Jeg regner med at flere mister livet i køen. En slags opvarmning til showet. Det er ikke længere noget jeg betragter. Jeg er langt over det. Jeg får nogle af mine groupies til at hente blod og hjernemasse fra køen. Jeg smider det i blenderen, jeg skal have en lille drink inden jeg går på. Lugten af blendet hjerne giver mig altid stiv pik. Blodet gør den grå masse en smule mere inspirerende, den røde svirvelende farve giver mig en friskt pust af dårligdommen i mit barndomshjem. Det jeg holder allermest af. Far kom altid efter han havde fået mor til at tie stille. Han havde altid bæltet i højre hånd og hegnsboret i venstre. Han kom op af trapperne med et rytmisk dunken efter hegnsboret gav sig til kende for hvert skridt han kom nærmere min værelsesdør. Hegnsboret gav mig altid kuldegysninger op ad ryggen.
Jeg skruer op for tempoet. Tingene skal sparkes i gear. Jeg starter mit sæt med flammekasteren, og brænder de forreste publikums ydre hudlag ned. Lugten minder meget om bacon, og det gør mig sulten. Duften breder sig  til publikum bagerst på koncertpladsen. Jeg spiller kun der hvor der er beton underlag. Det giver den nemmeste død når publikum vælter over hinanden for at komme tæt på scenen efter jeg har tændt den store rundsav der flænser publikum i pitten. Det er en stor ære at være de første til at lade livet til “flænseren”. Efter det første kuld, vælter det ind med nye publikum der vil opnå 300 bpm’s nirvana. Men jeg holder igen. Jeg vil give noget til publikum, jeg er der for dem, og de forankres igennem mig. Jeg skruer tempoet ned efter en ni minutters session på langt over 320 bpm. Jeg gør mig ekstra umage og skruer ned så selv de helt unge kan være med, 265 bpm +. Jeg råber blidt at de intet er værd, og det kun kan blive til noget hvis de hengiver sig til mig og flænseren. Hengiver sig til den eneste sandhed de kan komme til, men kun hvis de prøver. Hengiver sig til klingen på flænseren, ilden fra flammekasterne, slagene fra 16 tons hammeren (Knalde Kalle). Det slutter ikke før end der til sidst står en tilbage, en der har spist sig igennem de store mængder lig. En der har ville give sig fuldt ud til mig, være min for at jeg kan gøre som jeg vil. Som oftest starter jeg med at skide dem i skideren. Ser dem operere deres lemmer af og knepper dem i øjenhulerne til de ikke længere selv kan trække vejret, så ryger de i kælderen. Jeg giver dem AIDS, livmoderhalskræft, pumper dem med heroin, tæver dem til de ikke kan se længere, brænder deres tunger over. Jeg gør som det passer mig. De gør som det passer dem. Nirvana er hvad man gør det til.

DJ DOOM
Spiller næste gang i Herlev’s motorvejstunnel
420$ indgang

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